Another peek inside of me

So, everyone has tough times in their lives, I know this. But when it's your turn for a tough time you feel as though no one has ever felt the pain you do. I am here in this hole and it was only after looking at the hub's eyes and actually hearing his words that I'm able to put our life back in the right perspective. You see, I cry, A LOT, these days and the poor hubs try as he might, has not been able to help me stop. It's a roaring rollercoaster here and I really wanted off, but didn't know how to get off, until I looked into the hubs ever-loving, concerning, worried eyes this morning. He told me to remember before things get too bad that there are others to talk to. I told him I would NEVER, EVER doing anything harmful to myself or anyone else, I know what awfulness that would bring from past personal experiences. I would always be here for my family and kiddos. To which he clearly, and very profoundly stated, "you need to be more than just "here" though." A wise man I married, I tell you. I sat with those words for a bit and thought about the harm I was doing without even knowing it. I need to be more than just "here." I need to be present and alive. I don't like my circumstance I'm in, but only time and God can heal my wounds and let me move on happily. Eventhough the hubs doesn't believe EVERYTHING happens for a reason, I do, and I need to put my trust in God's hands and believe He does NOT have it in for me. Oh me of little faith, I know. I feel I am letting myself down and my faith has been shaken quite a bit over the past few months, but I'm still learning day by day how to strengthen my faith and not let it quiver. Not having gone to church my whole life, the trust and faith with God has gotten built up slower than most LDS people, but I'm working on it. God does love me and sometimes(even a lot more for some), bad things just happen to good people. It's a jungle and a trial, this so-called life, but sometimes, it's the GRANDEST time! I have a lot of great things in my life, but in the throws of despair, I forget a lot of the best things I have. I'm glad I have the hubs to pull me up when I'm down, and remind me all is not lost and this too, shall pass. He's the best friend a girl could ever have, and I'm glad he chose me to spend all eternity with. When he's down, I pick him up, when I'm down, he's right there to help me up. We work as a team, and it's the best feeling in the world! We've been through a lot together, and I'm sure there will be more hard times along the way, but as long as we've got eachother and remember we have God on our side too(I need to remember this more than he does)we can enjoy our ride on the up/down rollercoaster of life. God is good. God is love. God is Grand!

Alexis's Christmas Program

This year the 6th grade put on a program for Christmas. They did a cultural spin on it to fit the district's "no Christmas celebrations" guidelines. She picked an ancestor to feature and made a wooden doll for the "Festival of Trees" project. She picked my great-great grandma Pauline who was Polish. She did FABULOUS! The classes also sang a bunch of songs and then served us cookies and juice. They also talked about their own tree projects. They all had to pick a word and do special things for someone that went along with that word. She picked the word "useful" and picked me do serve for 2 weeks. It was suppose to be secret, but I kinda knew already. She makes me very proud and she has grown into a wonderful, caring, helpful, smart girl. I can't believe sometimes that she is my kid, she is SO good. Just look at how grown up she looks.
Here she is telling us all about her ancestor. My pics didn't turn out well because I was wrestling Noah and Bella.

Here she is during her program. I love going to school programs and this one was definitely one not to be missed. So glad I went and saw her in her last program of her elementary career.

Catch Up!

Day 24

Activity

Tradition as follows, mom bakes cookies the night of the 23rd and as a family we decorate them the morning of the 24th for Santa's arrival. The kiddos have grown up doing this and about the 2nd day of December they started counting down the days until this activity was upon us. It wasn't a surprise for the kiddos when Alexis pulled down the sock and it said activity. They all shouted, "Cookie Day!"

Kaleigh showing off her frosting covered fingers.

Some of the finished masterpieces.

Day 23

Present

The kiddos opened up a new book. It's frosty the snowman and when you open it, it plays the song. We were constantly hearing it due to Mr. Noah's love of that song.

Day 22

It was an activity. We delivered our neighbor gifts that we made the day before.

Day 21

We made our neighbor gifts, and I forgot to take pics. We made chocolate popcorn munch-popcorn, toffee bits, and green/red m&ms. We made a cute tag with the hub's tagline, "Seasons Eatings," and bagged them up. The kiddos love being in the kitchen, they must be mine!


Day 20

Activity

It was the hub's and my anniversary, so in stepped grandpa to get pizza and a movie for the kiddos. I love when my work is done for me. And the kids love pizza and a movie night!

Day 19

Activity

We had a family party with the hub's family. The kids ate, laughed, and performed to their hearts' extent! Fun was had by all!

Day 18

Activity

My dad took us all out for a movie. We don't all go out to the movies very often, so this was a real treat. I was afraid the kiddos would be bored by the movie(they had never seen/heard of yogi bear), but they were laughing and loving the entire movie. Kuddos to grandpa for picking another winner!

Day 17

Present

The kids got a new book for Christmas, Jingle Bells, which plays when you open it. These kiddos LOVE their books, hence why we have boxes of books because we have no more space in our 6 bookcases!

Day 16

Activity

We saw the 3 older girls in their play, The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. It was a blast and we loved it!


Day 15

Present

We gave the kiddos Toy Story 3 on Bluray. Man, is bluray ever so clear. It is so sharp and bright. They were really happy to get this. They had been begging us to get it ever since it came out, but we told them we couldn't because we didn't have any extra moola to buy it. Little did they know, mom scored with a sale and coupon! How sweet it was!

Day 14

Present

The kiddos got a new game, and although it's advertised as a little kiddo game, all the kiddos had a blast, including this one. Scatterpillar Scramble is HIlarious! It's a challenge even for me, but oh so much fun.

Day 13

Activity

We finally got to go see Santa, and even better, NO WAIT! The kiddos got to sit right on his lap, mom got to take as many pics with her own camera as she wanted, and Bella didn't cry at the sight of the Jolly Ol' Elf! Good times and the kiddos walked away with a fun new book. Gotta love Fashion Place Mall for leaving Santa alone and not demanding to make a buck off of him.

Don't they all look so HAPPY! They all enjoyed this last year's advent calendar and so did we. They all kept telling their friends and their church leaders and now some of our neighbors are wanting to do this fun way of counting down the days too. If you're not having fun along the journey, what is the point of the destination, right? And man, are we ever having fun along our Hansen Family journey!

A New Year and New Luck!

Another year has started and man am I glad it began with GREAT, WONDERFUL news!  The end of 2010 was a rough one for me personally and for our family.  A lot of bad things happened and then more bad things happened.  Many do not know the bad, the ugly, and the horrible because the hubs and I just don't share what's going on in our lives.  We've kind have been like that our whole marriage, but not now.  I'm spilling the beans, mainly 'cause I'm SO glad it all worked out for the good.  My life has flashed before my eyes and I've come out of it with a new determination to NEVER sweat the small stuff and ALWAYS enjoy the here and now.  Not that I didn't try really hard before, I just have a new viewpoint now.
    Let me back you up.  I really thought I was done having kids, but my inner soul kept bugging me about one more.  I know, you would think 7 is enough for anyone, but I guess not me.  Well in strolls September's events.  We lost the hub's grandma and so we had the whole family in town for the funeral.  Perfect timing for a family photo.  The hub's and I had a suspicion I might be with child, so we laughed at how every time we take a family photo, there's a bun in the oven-making the family photo all ready null and void.  Fast forward to a week later and said bun-in-the-oven no more.  I lost what we now refer to as the maybe-baby while on a family getaway to our family's cabin.  I wasn't sure at the time it was really a MC(can't even type the word), but after many months of problems we now know it was.  This event however, wasn't even the worse of the last 3 months.  Moving on to what I like to call a little Too Much Info for some.
   The problem with being on a family getaway is you don't want to end the fun, or at least I didn't, so suffering silent is what I did and after about 10 days of pain it finally stopped-so no doctor did I see(looking back, SO wish I had).  This is what started the ever so stress, worry, and life scaring events for me.  I wasn't the same after this(luckily I am now), at least my body wasn't.  I was having problems emotionally, physically, and mentally.  Finally after a few weeks I was able to see my doc, only to be put on an emotional rollercoaster.  They wanted to test me for everything from cysts to the ever dreaded... CANCER!  We really don't like that word, but with my symptoms and family history, they really, really thought it was.  I was a nervous wreck waiting for the results.  The hubs and I would talk, but he didn't want to hear it.  One night he got really upset and asked if I would stop wondering how/what we would tell the kiddos.  My life of only 33 years was quickly flashing before me and I couldn't get out of the what if I do have cancer, what will my kiddos do, what will we do, what will the hubs do?  It was a place I never want to visit again.  While all this was going on with me, I also had to deal with my dad's results for his heart test as well.  I was scared to think of losing him too.  It will kill the kiddos to lose their grandpa, he's too young.  My dad was a little bit of a wreck too, he had never been sick in all his 57 years, so this was a new thing for him.  He didn't like the prospect of having to go under for heart surgery just as much as I didn't like it.  I felt overwhelmed, neurotic, angry, and just plain old TIRED!  On top of all this, the holiday season was upon us and the last thing I wanted to do was put on a happy face and celebrate, but that's exactly what I did.  Finally, by the end of December we had some news, but it went from o.k. to NOT,  very quickly.  I didn't have any cysts, blood work was o.k., but was told symptoms are not and I needed a few more ultrasounds and scans.  So, in I went and finally had an answer the first week of January.  Heed this advice from someone who learned the hard way... if you think you have suffered a MC and your body starts to act funny, get in to a doc ASAP!  My GREAT news that I received was I all clear, not even a spec of precancer cells anywhere.  Just a body that should have been cleaned up after the MC and since it wasn't, I had an infection and it was messing up with my natural hormones causing all the confusion and pain.  And on top of that GREAT news, my dad's heart is finally healing with the new meds they gave him and so it looks like he might stay out of the operating room.  They are giving him another check-up in 6 weeks, but the doc is very optimistic that it will heal 100% by then.  I mean in a little less than 2 months it went from 29% pumping to now 42% pumping.  Let's just say I'm crossing my fingers, hoping and praying that the meds do indeed fix it all the way.  I'm very thankful we have the medical advances we do today.  I hated the thought of my dad in surgery and I'm glad I don't have to think about it for the time being.  I'm also glad it is a new year with a new chance of great things to come.
   I know, a long story, but it explains why my blog/journal is a month behind.  Hopefully I'll get it caught up over the weekend.