ARRGH, Y'MATEY! Happy Birthday Christian!

Today was a special day for our family. The time has come once again to celebrate our son's birthday. We try to do something that our little guy loved and this year we came up with pirates. We don't like to be home and dwell on the sore feelings we have and think of how we miss him tons-although the hubs and I still do think of all that we are missing with him. We wanted to do something big this year, because our boy would be 10 today. WOW! Enter in this new, fun, adventurous place...It's a fun themed restaurant in Orem and the kids ABSOLUTELY had a blast!

This was our very last birthday with Christian, and lucky him, the Make-A-Wish foundation combined his wish with his birthday. He REALLY, REALLY wanted to go to Disneyland and have a party with Goofy, and poof- they made it happen. The best time ever! This year it was really hard to celebrate and realize he would be 10. Trying not to cry and be upset, I wanted to be out and doing some fun, big activity. We even got the grandparents in on it. The hubs' parents came with and seemed to enjoy hangin' with us. We of course went up to the cemetery first and took our boy some balloons. The weather was nasty, so we just let them go and got back in the car due to the rain and wind, but at least he got his birthday balloons.
This place was so cool. They don't call it Pirate Island for nothing. Pirates EVERYWHERE, and a huge pirate ship in the dining area. The kids were in complete awe, as was I. I love when my ideas turn out and everyone has fun. There were cannons going off, an ARRGH cade, pizza, pirate playground, pirate shootin gallery, and games galore! Poor hubs, he's soooo tired now. He took the kids to the games and fun while I fed Bella and finished eating myself. He's all tuckered out!
This is part of the pirate playground. It had 2 slides, a climbing wall, steering wheel, and a bunch of other things to do. Noah loved it and we couldn't get him to leave it without a little protest. I had to bribe him with getting him a prize with tickets from the games we played.

The canons on the big ship that fired off 3 times while we were there. Maybe more, but I only noticed it that many times.

Miss Kaleigh bugs just needed a pic with the pirate statue sooo bad. It greeted us as we walked in. The entrance alone was crazy. The kids were in awe and then more so once we were escorted to our table.

This is the backside of the ship where we were sitting. Fun, fun. Lanterns, music, pirates singing, cannons going off, crickets chirping-it was great!

The kids all got some balloon animals too. They all loved them. Alexis got a crocodile, Logan and Noah got monkeys, and Kaleigh and Laney got parrots-perched on their shoulders and everything.

Pirate on the plank-loved it. His eyes glowed green when the pirates started talking and getting ready to fire the cannons.

Skull cave that was the entrance to the Arrghcade. Such great detail to everything. We were even served by a pirate that took great care of us.

Pirate shooting gallery. Alexis had some great fun here!

More of the shooting gallery

Even the bathroom hall was decked out. I'm crazy! I needed to get pics of everything.

More of the entrance. Love the detail!

The end of our evening, we had to get a pic of all the kids. They all were so tuckered out they fell right to sleep when we got home. Fun was had by all!

Logan and Noah even got to ride on a train. I think this is where Noah was finally ready to go home. No nap makes for one tuckered out Noah.

Bella on the way home. What do ya think? Think she had fun? I can't believe my baby is big enough now to sit forward in her big baby car seat. Ahh, time needs to slow down. I had a lot of fun with my little family today and I didn't cry once while we were there. It's kinda hard to see my other boys without Christian, but at least I know he's still mine. Logan will be older than Christian was when we lost him at the end of this month. That's something that stings, but hopefully the sting will get easier over time. Boy do I sure miss my Mr. C! May God take care of him until I can again! Love you my dear boy and Happy Birthday!!

Christian's Garden

For the last few years I've had a really hard time getting up to the cemetary to visit my little boy. It brings me nothing but anguish and pain, so I really hate going up there. I decided about 3 years ago we would do a little garden in memory of our Mr. C and we finally got it done. It has been done for 2 weeks now and everything is really growing fast. I had a little kid size bench I wanted to put in his garden, but it needed some sprucin', so enter my BFF, spray paint. Love the stuff, and his bench is gorgeous. I painted his name on it and placed it in his garden. We planted some forget me nots, bleeding hearts, hostas, and some pretty foxgloves. I thought all the plants names fit real well in his garden. We placed the statue we got shortly after he passed away. The lovely in-laws gave it to us and it fits perfectly. We placed all the stepping stones we made and they bring some more color and love to his special place. The kids all love it and they love to see his plants growing more everyday.


It was a long FHE project that took us a good 3 weeks to complete, but well worth it. Everyone had a part in it and the kids loved prepping the area to make it nice and clean, and rock-less, for Christian's garden. They took great care and pride for their brother's special place. They miss him tons, but enjoyed making a lasting place for him in our yard.

FHE two weeks and counting

For the last two weeks we have been working on a project during FHE. About a year after Christian passed away I decided we would make a garden for him in our yard, mainly due to the fact it is extremely hard to see him up at the cemetery. It has taken us a long 4 years to do this, but this year we are putting it together in front of our big window in our front yard. We have ordered plants and I designed the way we want it to look. I thought it would be nice for the kids to add a little decor to it too, so...

We came up with stepping stones for the garden. The first week we went to Hobby Lobby-my all-time new, fav-to get all the supplies to make them each a stone. We would have just got kits, but buying all the supplies for all 5 stones cost the same amount as one kit-CRAZY! They all got to design their own and were hard at work.
Very hard at work designing their stones on paper. We thought this would help them to know exactly where they wanted their pieces to go. Such cute, creative little kiddos.

The second week was time to do the actual stone. We spent the evening mixing, pouring, arranging, and stamping to our delight! It was a blast and the kids had fun too! Haha!

Alexis giving it a turn at mixing it up. She didn't believe Eric when he said it was "tough."

Finished products-at least until we can remove them and place them in the garden next week.

Laney's

Logan's

Alexis's

Kaleigh's

Eric and I did a big one with little Noah and Bella's hands. Isn't is cute. Our family had a blast with this project and will finally finish it up when we can place them in the garden next week. It takes a week until you can "step" on them, so we don't want to place them outside until then. I'll post pics of Christian's garden once the stones are placed. Take a little time to do some crazy, fun family project with your little ones. I promise you'll have a BLAST!

A new blog

I have started another blog. Mainly it is for me and my kiddos, but if you want to check it out go right ahead. It is all about Christian. I wanted to write up his story as I lived it. This way in case some miracle happens and I forget it all-the pain of it-our little family will have it for future generations. I believe it is a story that needs to be told. Although, our little guy didn't get his big miracle, there were a ton of small ones. I know that God was with us, it just wasn't His will to let Christian beat his cancer. I, to this day, don't understand, but hope to one day. It's painful to live without your child, but I hope to fully live again. I hope that writing his story will help with the loss and I will find peace with it at last. I also wanted to write his story as I saw it and as how I lived through it. This way my children will be able to know how I coped and what I went through. I do this because for some time now I have wondered how my grandma lived through her loss. She also lost a son and I lost my grandma 4 months before Alexis was born. Looking through family history it has been discovered that every other generation has lost a son. It goes back to my great-great grandma. I see that these strong women had survived their loss and they continued in happiness only a little different in their happiness. I remember the times my grandma would talk about her Tony her eyes would well up with tears. This was even 25 years after the fact. So I know I will always have that pain in my heart, but hope to lessen it over the years. My grandma always seemed so strong, courageous, and had so much love to give even suffering a worst fate than death. I always felt her pain of losing Tony, when I was younger, never though did I know the extent of it until I lost my own son. I hope to one day emulate that same strength and courage that my grandma possessed. I also hope that my children will NEVER have to experience this. I have been afraid for them since discovering my family history, but hopefully it's only a coincidence. I forgot to include the new blog's address. His story as I lived it is at http://www.christianeric.blogspot.com/.

A Spotlight on me, but really it's all for Christian!

I love this blog because this mom speaks to me and she features other moms on her blog. It's a great way to see how other mothers, mother and live their lives. I simply love this one special weekly feature she does called Real Mommies/Real Challenges. She features moms that live their lives while dealing with different challenges. Well she saw that I am a follower and checked out my blog and asked me if she could feature me in one of her spotlights. To say the least I was flabber gasted and so didn't think I was worthy to be put in this feature. Afterall I am not mothering my children with a disability or some other extreme challenge, but she thought I am a real mommy with a real challenge. So... my spotlight(or as Eric calls it my two minutes of fame, not really, but haha) about my lovely son and family is tomorrow on her cute little blog. Check it out if you want, but check out her blog more to see her other moms that are featured too. Go to http://littletotsbigideas.blogspot.com/2010/04/real-mommies-real-challenges.html This is such a cool, and so unexpected little honor! Thank you Tina! This one is for you my little man, Christian Eric!

The YUCKINESS of FEBRUARY 7th!

We LOVE you our dear angel boy Christian!Today was a dreary day in our house for it marked the five year anniversary since we lost our sweet boy, Christian. We miss him dearly and it is agonizing each and every day with thoughts of what he would be doing and be like, what our family would be like, and how much fuller life would seem with him in it. It has been an excruciating five years without him even with our little lovely additions to our family. We miss him and wish we were together. Every February 7th since his passing our little bunch have done something together to remember him and enjoy each other's company. Eventhough it fell on a Sunday this year we still honored our boy and enjoyed some family time.
Every year we try to get up to his grave and leave some flowers and release balloons to him. I am horrible, because it has been a year since I last went up there. I can't bring myself to go, it is just way too painful and reality always sets in a little more that he truly is gone, he truly did exist and I truly did lose my little boy! I HATE it! I HATE the pain it brings and the pain I must endure throughout the rest of my life. It is so wrong and I can't undo it. I put on a brave little face for these adorable children and help them to remember Christian(not that they have ever forgotten him)is watching them and loves them. They enjoy sending him balloons and we watch as they float up and away to him. They said goodbye to him and sent their love to him. Laney is getting to Alexis and Kaleigh's stage where she is having a hard time talking about him without getting upset. She has banned them from mentioning the C word(Christian) in the house. It's a lot for these little ones to have to deal with and as they get older I only hope it won't hurt them as much. Who knows, people like to tell me it will get better with time, but time has only made the hurt more painful!

We had corndogs for lunch in honor of Christian. When he was sick during his treatment they told us he wouldn't eat much, but the little guy packed away 5 corndogs in one sitting. To say the least all the nurses in the hospital were quite surprised. He always did love his corndogs and hot dogs. We like to remember that about Christian. He always surprised people with what he could do and what he could endure. He was and is my little miracle boy! He held out longer than any other kid with his diagnosis, pure miracle and determination on his part!

We took a picture of Bella near her brother's grave so she has something of him in her baby book. They share a birthday month and are very much alike in personality. She smiles a ton just like he did, she has a problem with sleeping just like he did, but she loves to be awake just like Mr. C as a baby. She also has the same rash on her cheeks and chin like Christian. So many similarities it's frightening.
These are our 8 balloons that we let go to Christian to send our love to him. They took off very quickly and were out of view just as fast! We like to think he knew they were his and he was taking them as fast as he could. We love our dear son and hope to have him in our arms again one day hopefully soon and not too, too long. We love you Christian Eric!

Day 7

On the seventh day of Valentine's I made for my true loves...

yummy chocolate covered popcorn.

I have made it half way through the countdown and all my lit'l loves are just LOVIN' the daily treats and the surprise of what it will be. I have been having a blast and today's choice had some special meaning behind it. This treat was one of Christian's favorite snacks when he was little so it being his day today I chose to make this. Here's sending some love up to my little angel boy!

FASHION SHOW BENEFITING CANDLELIGHTERS

We heard earlier this month that Rocky Mtn. Candlelighters closed their doors and laid off the very small, paid staff it had due to the economy. They are still operating through the kindness of volunteers, but they really need to get back their office. The director of Candlelighters sent all families a letter about Bingham High School's choice to make them the benficiary of their annual fashion show put on by DECA. The students at BHS asked if any of the families would like to participate and my lovely children jumped at the chance. They will be modeling, escorting, and helping out with the show. We are quite excited for this opportunity-yet again to do something in memory of our boy. The show will be on December 10th at Bingham High School at 7 p.m. The show tickets are $2 per person or $10 for a family. Please, if you can, come out and enjoy a night of fashion and fun all benefiting Candlelighters. This organization is one that families cannot live without. It is extremely helpful when you have just had your life turned upside down with the diagnosis of cancer in your child. If you can't make it consider giving a small donation to Candlelighters at childhoodcancer.org. Any small amount will make a difference(yes even a dollar)in the lives of these families and even the kids who survive the dreaded disease. Not only does this organization help during the diagnosis but they even contiue to support survivors through camps, clinics, parties, and support groups. They also keep in touch with "angel" families and support them as well. They are awesome and I can't begin to list all that they do. Happy Holidays and Happy Healthy Living! Pictures of the show will follow later!

Walk of Hope 2009

We love you and will never forget you, our dear sweet Christian! In our sons memory we took part in a fundraiser for Rocky Mountain Candlelighter's called the Walk of Hope. We had a good time and knew it was for a great cause. We walked with love for our son and hope to find a cure for childhood cancers.Our family picture before the walk.
Everyone beginning the walk.

The kids all got some noise makers to blow during the walk.

Snapshot during the walk.

Kaleigh, Logan, and Laney helping walk some therapy dogs used for help with cancer patients.

Logan holding our team sign-Mr. C's Crew!

Kaleigh and Alexis proud to hold our medal for our fundraising efforts. It was a great day and we felt good to do something worthwhile in Christian's memory. We will definately make this an annual event. Maybe even try and get the whole extended family to take part.

Fundraising for a good cause!

In memory of our son, Christian, we are taking part in a fundraiser for Candlelighters. In October we as a family are giving back and participating in their Walk of Hope. This walk will give money to Rocky Mountain Candlelighters for Childhood Cancer. We are hoping as a family to at least raise $400.00. We were taken care of in the hospital through this group and we still are even after losing our son. Please consider making a donation. Check out our family fundraising page at www.active.com/donate/walkofhope/Christian. This is for a great cause, and they are in need of money to continue helping families who are fighting to keep their children alive and well. We thank you for anything you can give and I'm sure if Christian were here he would thank you too.

Happy Birthday Christian!

Christian Eric Hansen, born June 12th, 2000, was the cutest "little" baby boy. He was my quickest and easiest labor and my biggest child. He just couldn't wait to come out and live with us. All the nurses and doctor said for such a big baby he came shooting out like a torpedo. Here he is just under 2 months, the day of his blessing. Proud daddy, holding his sweet baby.

These are just a couple of pictures of his last birthday. He got to go to Disneyland, thanks to Make-A-Wish, for his 4th birthday. He had a blast, especially meeting his favorite characters and heroes. Who can say they met all their heroes at once. He met them all on this trip. It was one of the best moments for us to see his eyes light up when he met Goofy.

Of course, we couldn't go to Disneyland and not see Mickey. Christian just adored everything and we took a ton of pictures, because we wanted to savor the good times. He was loved and adored by all and though most our family didn't get to go those that did had a blast.

And here is one great picture to sum up Christian. He always had a smile and a laugh for everyone, everyday. Here he was goofing around pretending to be Eric. He also had put daddy's shoes on too. With a grin from ear to ear, he said look I'm Daddy.

He was the sweetest little boy and I take great pride in calling him my son. We miss him dearly and it gets a little harder as the days pass and we realize how old he would be and imagine what he would be doing. He would be so happy to have brothers and a new baby sister who shares his birth month. He never got to have brothers here, but he loved his sisters so much. We love him and think of him often and want to wish him a Happy Birthday. I wish he was here, but soon we'll meet again and I can hug him and kiss him all I want. So till we meet again my Mr. C. I love you to the moon and back again!

An awesome sight!

Although this day was tragically sad and horrible for our family I just love the pictures of the balloons. It's the one thing that the girls enjoyed because they were sending Christian his blue balloons.
We do it every year now for his birthday to send him a present. It was so great at how the balloons floated so high until we couldn't see them anymore.
We love you Christian and miss you very much!
Christian Eric Hansen 6/12/2000-2/07/2005