So, Eric and I have been wondering if it's possible that at times I have suffered PTSD moments when getting upset over Christian matters. This week I truly know I have PTSD when it considers the huge ordeal with Christian. I had to go and get a scan to try and determine a medical condition or at least try to solve it. I went to the hospital by myself already a little stressed and nervous only to find out that my scan was in the nuclear medicine department. I had to lay under this scanner pressed up against my abdomen for 1 1/2 hours. In the middle of it I started shaking and freaking out in my head trying to hold back tears as they filled my eyes.
The last time I was in the nuclear med. dept. was with Christian when he was getting his scan and he stopped breathing. I was by myself with him and it was chaos for a few minutes trying to give him more oxygen and monitoring him and the tech. trying to get him stable. I felt like I was right back there in that moment, only now the scan was for me. It's been a tough week and still no final answers on what the trouble is. All I can think about is how hard it has been without Christian, how hard it was with him going through all that he did-seeing him deteriate over his last month, explaining it to the kids over and over trying to make them understand he can't come back no matter what, and now dealing with my own medical problems makes me just throw up my hands and say alright isn't this enough, but come on I'm strong and I'll take what you give me and try and deal with it. As stressful as the week has been without any definate answers nothing will ever be as hard as battling for Christian and losing him. I now know that one can have PTSD when dealing with grief and this has been very hard for me-yet another trial for me to try and overcome, but I have to make myself remember the good with Christian to take me out of those moments. It's a struggle that I know I'll have for awhile, but there will be a time when memories of his battle won't make me come uncompletely done. It's as if I am experiencing the loss, pain, fear, and begging for his life all over again. It takes me right back to the exact feeling and event. It's a very strange feeling kinda like an out of body experience. I just can't explain it, but it's very scary sometimes. I only hope that times will get better and that my medical problems will be simple and cleard up quickly. Not knowing is very frightening-for me and Eric as well. Once we know what is going on (good or bad) things will be better.
MURDER happened in our house this weekend. Eric saw a mouse under our upstairs couch and instructed me to help him kill it. I absolutely HATE mice and wanted no part in this, but I had to protect my sweet little kids from the unwanted guest. We chased it back and forth from each other until it came my way and Eric said "whack it" I did and low and behold I killed my first mouse. Poor lit'l fella, but that'll teach you to come into MY house!
We had a lot of fun this weekend minus the mouse event. We celebrated Laney's birthday-can't believe she is 6 already, decorated pumpkins, and went to the South Jordan Fall Festival-which happened to be on Laney's birthday. This picture is all of us watching Snow White, which Laney got as her present from us.
Laney happy as a clam to get another princess movie!
This year we put a spin on birthday cake. These are cake pops. They were a huge hit!
Laney decorating her pumpkin at the Fall Festival. We only did this activity, because it was pouring like cats and dogs and this activity luckily was under a tent.
Alexis and her pumpkin
Kaleigh making a goofy face-AGAIN, and Logan proud of their pumpkins, wondering what was next. Nothing, because it started to pour. Although we did have a treat before we left. We got a free sample of pie from Village Inn-they were one of the sponsors for the festival. Next year we hope it won't be raining, because there was face painting, pumpkin bowling, costume contest, carving contest, and free hot chocolate and cookies. But little kids, infant, and pouring rain just don't mix!
Finished pumpkins-Alexis, Laney, Logan, Kaleigh, and the lit'l piggie is Bella's. Noah wouldn't let his go so he kept his.
The kids all proud of their creations.
Noah enjoying his pumpkin and having fun pulling off the stickers from it. Gotta love this little goofy guy. A busy weekend again, but lots of fun! Now we just have one more birthday this week and Halloween, then it will be quiet until Thanksgiving. Gotta just love raising a big bunch! 
