Sunday, December 11, 2011

A New Baby Is Coming

Polly, Penelope, Patricia, Piglet, Pooh Bear, Paisley, Primrose, Phoebe, Paige, Pellie, or Roo what will it be. We've been having fun seeing what everyone thinks the new baby will be named since this is the first time we haven't told anyone. We have laid out the clue it begins with a "P," but that is all and the kiddos are going crazy not knowing what their new little sister will be named, but also having fun at guessing the name. We only have a little more than a day now and we can hardly wait to introduce our eighth child to the family and to the world. We feel very blessed and loved that God has entrusted us with another blessing from above and especially at this holy time of the year. Praise be to Him!

Monday, November 7, 2011

One of these days, I WILL JUST GET IT!

So, let me start off by saying, again I have not updated the blog and I have over a 100 photos waiting to be used in some posts, but I need to get this out of me. I love my husband! I love have talks with him and I love how he shares his view points with me and tries to make me understand things that I just don't get. Hopefully, one of these days, I WILL JUST GET IT, without him having to help me get there. Here's some backstory: most people know I didn't grow up in the LDS religion, but I had many friends who were LDS and I attended mtgs. activities, and even seminary with occasionally. I didn't become a member of the church until I was 19, but loved everything about it. Fast forward a few years and some not-so nice wards(one where we buried our eldest son and no one in the ward knew of his passing until the morning of the funeral-yeah, ball got dropped somewhere with the Bishop and others)and experiences and it has made me question the culture and as of late I have confused the two-church teachings vs. the church culture. I keep telling myself they are two separate things, but we have moved into an area where I am having a hard time distinguishing the two. It seems our ward brings out the culture aspect a little too much. We seem to keep having the same group/cliques shuffled into all the callings in our ward-which is extremely annoying me. I have a hard time believing that the callings are indeed "called from above." When all is done is the primary presidency seems to be shuffled into the Young Women's presidency which they then get shuffled into the Relief Society Presidency, and the same goes with the men. It's like we have a handful of the same people just getting shuffled into the presidencies and it has started to bug me. How is anyone else suppose to grow and share and bless others if the same people are getting called to all the positions. I have struggled with this, mainly because to me it just seems like a popularity contest and I've gotten released from callings because of having babies and now I'm sitting on the sidelines watching this ridiculous game of juggling the same group of people into different callings. How is this really a calling from above? That was my question to my hubby yesterday, and he helped as best as he could saying the Bishop only can do what he knows and in it's way it is a calling from above, but it bothers him too. He as well sits back and watches the show, because no matter how many times he asks for a calling he is overlooked. I don't know why it is, but after 5 years it is getting very frustrating for the both of us. I need to remember to keep in mind that the church is not about it's people it is about Christ, His teachings, and making it back to my Heavenly Father. It has been extremely hard to not get caught up in the culture and let it deter me from going to church. I don't like the politics, the games, the cliques. I never have, but hopefully, I will be able to concentrate on being more Christ-like, understanding that He does know and see me, and trying to make it back to Him someday. It's an interesting point that the hubs has- most people that grow up in the church don't see a church culture, but those that don't, struggle with the culture vs. the truths/teachings of the church. How he, one who has grown up in the church, sees this as a reality makes me feel lucky. I can talk to him and he doesn't judge me, he just tries to teach me to stay strong and not get so frustrated and to stay on that straight and narrow path I promised to do back when I was baptized. I love this man more than anything and am glad he can look out for me.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Random Ramblings of a Pregnant-hormone hyped mamma of 7

So yeah, it's been awhile and my camera is in some serious need of emptying the ten thousand pics it has of our going-ons for the past 6 months, but I haven't uploaded them yet. I thought I would get my ramblings out of my head for awhile and update this nice lit'l journal of mine, since it has cobwebs in it from the lack of posts.
It's been a busy, crazy, fun, exciting, worrisome, loving last 6 months and I've come to the conclusion that yes- I AM DEFINATELY CRAZY! I don't know what I was thinking when 6 months ago I thought yeah, why not add another little one into the mix. It was weighing heavily on our minds and our hearts that we just were not done with our family and after the loss of our baby we didn't know we were gonna add, we believed another little spirit was waiting in the wings and sure enough-we were right. Now don't get me wrong, we fully wanted our last little one to join us it's just then I got the crazy idea to add a few more things on top of it. We began re-doing all 4 girls' rooms(painted, moved furniture from basement to top floor, from top floor to basement, re-decorated to fit personalities that would be now sharing a room, got a new closet organizer put in a room that with two beds was just too small to hold a dresser in, and we rearranged all the nursery furniture as well)because being pregnant with 6 little people to take care of just wasn't enough to do- I guess. Then we thought, oh we should reorganize all the closets(well the hubs thought this up all by himself and began without even letting me in on it), reorganize the garage, declutter the entire house-you know since our ward had a DI drive and all(we could help others and ourselves, the thinking process of the hubs), and to top it all off I, yes me and me alone, thought hey I want to be out of debt by December 31st this year. This normally, for others I'm sure, would not be a problem-but you see we have been in debt since we lost Christian. We have been trying to get our grounding back-but when you add more children to the mix, the medical bills alone work against you. So I thought surely I could take an amount that no one would even think to pay off in less than 3 years and have it paid off in 8 months. Bring on the challenge, bring on the fear, bring on the STRESS, bring on the massive headaches. Yes, it's been challenging and stressful-especially taking an $800 budget for food and household items down to half that, but I can say(knock on wood) that we will be making our, okay my, goal of being completely DEBT FREE! I feel blessed and guided through this process of trying to get back on track. I lost that feeling for awhile when we had a scare with our little one, but I'm back and feeling better than ever. Our life really is crazy-BUT, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world! I would hate to be bored, able to sit around and laze around, doing anything I want, not be challenged, even not have some of the worries that come with having a bunch like we do. I love this crazy little thing called my life! It makes me stronger and challenges me every day making me a better person. I'm glad all of our little ones chose us to be their parents and guide them through this life. Yes, more money would be nice, more free time would be nice, more SLEEP would be nice, and more time with just the hubs and me would be nice-BUT, you know what I will get that soon enough. Kiddos grow up fast and life calms down too soon, so I'll take this crazy, rambling time that makes me crazy, but also makes me laugh so, so, so, much EVERY DAY! I don't know about anyone else, but just thinking and looking back on all we have done in these past 6 months makes me tired. Because through all of these things we still had our usual spring and summer fun-vacation, swimming, planting, weeding, movies, parties with good friends, birthday celebrations, church responsibilities, fundraisers, graduation from elementary school, starting school again, new job-hunting, ultrasounds and check-ups, playing at parks, hiking, girls' camp, and about a million more things we do every day. It's a crazy time, but exciting at the same time. Love and play with your little ones tons now, because one day soon, they won't be little anymore. I'm learning that more and more as the day grows nearer when I send my now junior higher, off to school. I still am wondering, when did this happen, but I'm glad I've spent so many fun times with her before she gets to the point of being too old to hang out with mom. Loving life with it's craziness and all it offers me!

Monday, April 4, 2011

What's next on the agenda

So lately I've been crafting a ton and learning how to take some really good pictures of the family, but now I'm SO ready for this... It's the 2nd book in one of my favorite author's new series. It comes out tomorrow and I can hardly wait to read it. This will be taking up my Thursday night this week. I would read it over the weekend, but we will be off on our first couples retreat. Good food, good times, good friends-what more could a girl ask for.

Why I've been MIA

Everyone, meet my new little friend. My new Canon EOS Rebel T1i. I have been playing with this new little toy for the last few days and it is gonna be my new appendage this summer with the kiddos. I have big plans for some fun photo shoots of my cuties and I can hardly wait. Now if Mother Nature would just cooperate and let the sun shine and Spring begin, I could begin. But until then, I'll just learn how to take some really good photos.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Trial of Accepting God's Love

We have all been through our own trials in this life. Some are small, some are big. Some we overcome and some we feel we will never be able to bear. I have experience all of these kinds of trial and although I thought I experienced an unbearable trial of losing my son, I have come to understand my real big trial is not this. My unbearable trial is accepting God's love and knowing that He does everything with a reason. I may not understand this now, but through His love and His plan for my life I will some day. I use to think and feel He had it in for me. I have battled this feeling for some years, especially as of late. I couldn't imagine that He actually loved me and listened to me until this past month. I felt that all my trials and troubles were because I had done something wrong, didn't have enough faith, wasn't strong enough. I was lost and blind to what He actually was trying to teach me. Faith is a fragile thing when you do not exercise it fully. Sometimes it's easy to say you have faith, but when it needs to be put into play, it may be a hard thing to do. I have been this person. I believe strongly everything the missionaries taught me. I know I'm a daughter of God, I know that our families can be together forever, I know that my Savior suffered for me personally, I know that I have been blessed immensely, and I know that my Heavenly Father gave me the Holy Ghost to give me comfort whenever I need it. What I have struggles with is knowing that my Heavenly Father loves me and hears my prayers always unconditionally. I struggled with this a ton when we were losing Christian. All I felt was He was not listening to my aching heart. He wasn't making the cancer go away. He only listened when I turned my will over to His and begged to take my sweet Christian away so he would not be in pain anymore. I again struggled when I lost my parents through divorce and in the end any relationship with my mother. I struggled when I begged to not lose another baby this past month. It's a hard thing to do, turning my will over to God's will. I prayed to let the baby stay and grow in me, but I also finally came to a point where I realized maybe it wasn't in God's will to keep the baby. In the end it was the case. We discovered at 9 weeks that the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks and I officially lost the baby 2 weeks later. Not an easy thing to do, but through this past experience I learned a GREAT deal of just HOW much my Heavenly Father really does love me. I had to actually take a medicine to get rid of the baby, due to my body just did not want to let go. It was painful both physically and emotionally, but I prayed so hard that I literally was brought to my knees sobbing, that this would go quickly and my body would be able to bounce back quickly. Well, through the power of prayer, this is exactly what happened. Instead of waiting 2 weeks for the miscarriage to take it's course, it happened within 24 hours of my shot. I also bounced back quickly and although I miss our baby and what would have been I know that God loves me and this too shall pass. This last trial of mine, although it wasn't like losing Christian it was at the same time as when I lost Christian. The two combined brought me down to a horror of a low level and I believe I only made it through by the grace of God. I now know that God does not give us our trials because we've done something wrong or as a way of punishment. I believe that He actually gives them to us to not only make us stronger, but as a way of showing us His love for us. I know that this will always be my trial, to remember He does love me and always will. He knows what's best for me and how to make me stronger. He gives me my trials and challenges in this life because He loves me and wants me to come back to Him someday. He wants us all to return to Him. We are His sons and daughters. He wants us all to live with Him eternally and it is through the trials we face that He shows his love for us and helps us come closer to living eternally with Him.