Monday, November 7, 2011

One of these days, I WILL JUST GET IT!

So, let me start off by saying, again I have not updated the blog and I have over a 100 photos waiting to be used in some posts, but I need to get this out of me. I love my husband! I love have talks with him and I love how he shares his view points with me and tries to make me understand things that I just don't get. Hopefully, one of these days, I WILL JUST GET IT, without him having to help me get there. Here's some backstory: most people know I didn't grow up in the LDS religion, but I had many friends who were LDS and I attended mtgs. activities, and even seminary with occasionally. I didn't become a member of the church until I was 19, but loved everything about it. Fast forward a few years and some not-so nice wards(one where we buried our eldest son and no one in the ward knew of his passing until the morning of the funeral-yeah, ball got dropped somewhere with the Bishop and others)and experiences and it has made me question the culture and as of late I have confused the two-church teachings vs. the church culture. I keep telling myself they are two separate things, but we have moved into an area where I am having a hard time distinguishing the two. It seems our ward brings out the culture aspect a little too much. We seem to keep having the same group/cliques shuffled into all the callings in our ward-which is extremely annoying me. I have a hard time believing that the callings are indeed "called from above." When all is done is the primary presidency seems to be shuffled into the Young Women's presidency which they then get shuffled into the Relief Society Presidency, and the same goes with the men. It's like we have a handful of the same people just getting shuffled into the presidencies and it has started to bug me. How is anyone else suppose to grow and share and bless others if the same people are getting called to all the positions. I have struggled with this, mainly because to me it just seems like a popularity contest and I've gotten released from callings because of having babies and now I'm sitting on the sidelines watching this ridiculous game of juggling the same group of people into different callings. How is this really a calling from above? That was my question to my hubby yesterday, and he helped as best as he could saying the Bishop only can do what he knows and in it's way it is a calling from above, but it bothers him too. He as well sits back and watches the show, because no matter how many times he asks for a calling he is overlooked. I don't know why it is, but after 5 years it is getting very frustrating for the both of us. I need to remember to keep in mind that the church is not about it's people it is about Christ, His teachings, and making it back to my Heavenly Father. It has been extremely hard to not get caught up in the culture and let it deter me from going to church. I don't like the politics, the games, the cliques. I never have, but hopefully, I will be able to concentrate on being more Christ-like, understanding that He does know and see me, and trying to make it back to Him someday. It's an interesting point that the hubs has- most people that grow up in the church don't see a church culture, but those that don't, struggle with the culture vs. the truths/teachings of the church. How he, one who has grown up in the church, sees this as a reality makes me feel lucky. I can talk to him and he doesn't judge me, he just tries to teach me to stay strong and not get so frustrated and to stay on that straight and narrow path I promised to do back when I was baptized. I love this man more than anything and am glad he can look out for me.