Tuesday, May 4, 2010

A new blog

I have started another blog. Mainly it is for me and my kiddos, but if you want to check it out go right ahead. It is all about Christian. I wanted to write up his story as I lived it. This way in case some miracle happens and I forget it all-the pain of it-our little family will have it for future generations. I believe it is a story that needs to be told. Although, our little guy didn't get his big miracle, there were a ton of small ones. I know that God was with us, it just wasn't His will to let Christian beat his cancer. I, to this day, don't understand, but hope to one day. It's painful to live without your child, but I hope to fully live again. I hope that writing his story will help with the loss and I will find peace with it at last. I also wanted to write his story as I saw it and as how I lived through it. This way my children will be able to know how I coped and what I went through. I do this because for some time now I have wondered how my grandma lived through her loss. She also lost a son and I lost my grandma 4 months before Alexis was born. Looking through family history it has been discovered that every other generation has lost a son. It goes back to my great-great grandma. I see that these strong women had survived their loss and they continued in happiness only a little different in their happiness. I remember the times my grandma would talk about her Tony her eyes would well up with tears. This was even 25 years after the fact. So I know I will always have that pain in my heart, but hope to lessen it over the years. My grandma always seemed so strong, courageous, and had so much love to give even suffering a worst fate than death. I always felt her pain of losing Tony, when I was younger, never though did I know the extent of it until I lost my own son. I hope to one day emulate that same strength and courage that my grandma possessed. I also hope that my children will NEVER have to experience this. I have been afraid for them since discovering my family history, but hopefully it's only a coincidence. I forgot to include the new blog's address. His story as I lived it is at http://www.christianeric.blogspot.com/.

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